Journal

It is lovely to return to this site in my own time, without forcing anything. It's one of the most restorative things modern society can still offer. I update it occasionally, and I think those who read me understand this. I feel that this is the very nature of Neocities: a quiet suspension, a peaceful refuge of the old web, a place one enters and leaves when the time feels right, when the site calls. Neocities is like a little cottage in the woods, and that is precisely what makes it special.
My disapproval of today’s hyperconnected society runs very deep. Truly. I can see the unease that this toxic expectation of constant connection causes in people, how it pulls them away from the preciousness of the present, and it's something I have tried to resist with all my strength. Now that my life has become increasingly analogue, and less and less tied to the internet, I can feel how profoundly it has changed.
That is why I have made certain sacrifices, and they have cost me something. As someone who dreams of making a living from her stories, I might well gain a little more visibility, perhaps even a few more readers, if I posted about my books on social media. And yet the very thought of using modern social platforms makes me shudder. It is easy to deceive oneself: “I won’t spend much time there”, “I’ll just post something quickly and leave”. But it rarely works that way. You end up being drawn into the whirlpool, under the pretext of “just checking what people are saying”, whether a piece of writing has been appreciated, whether it has been read... There is another equally crucial point: if you post only occasionally, the algorithm’s toxic logic punishes you for it. And all the while, real life slips away into the mist.
And I do not want that. So I choose my retro life, my 1980s world, my slower pace, even if it costs me a few readers. I want to be free, always. Free from every constraint, every cage, every like, every form of dependency. It is vital to me.

I am immersed in a period of creative turmoil that holds me, that makes me feel suspended in a wonderful bubble where I float from one world to another. Creating art has always been a part of me, it's my way of breathing... But right now I want to try lots of things all at once, my mind is overflowing with ideas, as if there were too many worlds inside me and I feel the need to let them out.
In October, I wrote one of my novels, a very psychological story about two women who merge their identities into each other. I finished it rather quickly, I couldn’t stop writing. Now I'm planning another novel, which is the third in my psychological thriller series featuring my detective Laura Murino. I realized that, since writing is so important in my life (I dream of making it my job one day), I should have a page where I show some excerpts, here on my website. I'll create it soon. The only thing I regret is that most of the audience here is foreign; I obviously publish my novels in my own language. But nowadays, translating entire books is so easy with the new tools available, and I think publishing abroad has become much simpler... So I won't rule out this possibility. I also believe that my stories, which are deeply psychological and symbolic, have a flavor that may even resonate more elsewhere than here in Italy.
I'm also painting more, and in addition I’ve recently started experimenting with air-dry clay sculpture. I will also show this in my retro internet refuge, little by little. Whenever I paint, write, or shape something with my hands, I feel as if the world gently shifts to meet my own pace, my slower, analog rhythm where my mind feels at home. I want to make art my whole life, a lot of art, in every form I can.

I think one of the most fulfilling feelings is that of feeling centred within yourself, within your own world. My life has taken an increasingly analogue, increasingly retro turn. Sometimes I feel I am living in the 1990s, sometimes the 2000s, sometimes even the 1980s. I have built a small sanctuary of the past around me, shaping my world according to my values, my tastes and my vision of life. This fills my heart with emotion.
I am planning new stories; I used to write novels, but now I am in a phase where I prefer to write shorter stories. It is as if I feel the need to explore as many characters and situations as possible. Another very important goal for me is flexibility, I am almost obsessed with stretching. Just yesterday, I saw a contortionist on television and she inspired me so much... I don't think I'll ever reach that level, but even a little of that grace is enough to inspire me.
I now write much more in my paper diary. I also have another separate diary dedicated to letters: letters to myself, to nature, to the sea... I have rediscovered the incredible power of paper, the weight of words carefully written on a page. I have also started to cultivate the hobby of reading magazines, and even though I will never know where to put them all (my room is full), I can't stop collecting them.
One of my next goals is to start listening to music on CDs, perhaps using an old Discman. I have already downloaded several albums with eMule, all ready to be put onto lovely CDs that I will make myself.

To update from the previous post: the Duoqin has been here for a while now, and... it's wonderful. The more I look at it and use it, the more that hunger for analogue life that has long since exploded in me grows. Using t9 again after so long (I usually use the predictive one, not the normal one, it's easier, haha) is a boundless thrill for me. That beautiful tactile feeling of the physical keys being pressed has nothing to do with the impersonality of touch keyboards. It is like a kind of meditation, a feeling of real contact with the device. And I'm already getting used to typing, because I have the muscle memory of when I was a child, so I'm not even very slow. Of course, the convenience of autocorrect is missing, you have to be more careful not to make mistakes... But that's also part of a slower and more conscious life, isn't it? I chose this phone precisely to tune in even more to the kind of life I want. Slow, sweet and true. It's already become a little gem, I personalised it in total: I put my retro anime wallpaper, created a little pack of vintage icons, stuck the floral sticker on the back... And I installed few apps, just the ones I need. I stopped hoarding apps I don't use. And it's incredibly liberating! My Duoqin is like a discreet and elegant garden that accompanies my days.

Regarding retro technology, yesterday I took another small step back in time. And despite travelling through time, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to myself. I bought the Duoqin F22 pro, the only truly retro smartphone (in Europe) with a physical T9 keyboard. Simple, light and silent. There is also the virtual keyboard for the need: a gentle combination of present and past. Now I just wait for it to arrive, and I eagerly await it: for me it's special, because it's one more step towards my conception of slow technology. A measured, light and conscious use. Normal smartphones often push us away from reality. We don't need a giant screen or a thousand rushing functions: just a small, essential space where every gesture weighs just the right amount. Even a tablet can be fine, if it brings us back to the intention.
Not everything should go through a smartphone. For most people, the computer often sits in a corner, waiting, while the phone tries to be everything at once... And ends up scattering our attention.
With the Duoqin, I have made another small rebellion against the dominance of modern technology. And for the future, I also plan to buy an mp3 player, to make listening to music more personal. I can't wait to carefully select and download the songs I love, and put them in that little house of mine.
Maybe even a CD player one day!

Another delightful day at the pace of slowness... I spent a good part of the afternoon refining my site. In particular, the herbarium section, as I had dramatically realised that if I viewed it well, on monitors barely larger than mine the page was all misaligned... This is my first time with codes, and I definitely still have to get the hang of it. It is true that as a child (2000s) I was obsessed with computers, but I didn't have my own Geocities site or similar. After all, I was only in primary school.

And here it is: after that, I immersed myself in slowly and carefully visiting old Geocities sites of others. Through an archive. This is one of my favourite activities, the relaxation I get from it is immeasurable... And, as I do so, I often find myself thinking how sad it must have been for these people to lose their precious virtual corner, sewn with such care. I found an email address on a lady's site, tried to send her an email to let her feel that her little corner is still alive... I failed, the address turns out to be non-existent, but I want to try again with other sites. I am convinced that sooner or later I will find an email that is still valid, and I will be able to bring a smile to someone's face by letting them know that their little old corner of the web is still visited. I find that a very sweet thing to do. ❤

Time changes radically the moment one inhabits it gently, slowly. It becomes soft, tender. It is no longer in a hurry, it doesn't demand anything. One suddenly realises that those rushes, all those pressures of modern society were useless, were wrong. Small traps with showy flakes. There is no point in rushing to complete all the goals one sets oneself for the day, in striving to live up to other people's expectations, to perform optimally, to achieve, to have more and more... Living should not be a performance. In the rush for more, we forget how much we’re already holding in our hands. A kitten that seeks you out and gently stretches between your legs, every day together with you in the same house; a good lunch, the caress and smile of the one you love, the sunset outside, the song of the birds and the simple act of breathing... We already have what we need. All this is so precious.
The other day, for example, I had a simple but for that very reason so delightful Easter. We went to get, me, Ale, dad and mum, the ice cream that I love so much. Always the same flavours most of the time: pistachio cremino, Nutella biscuits and Kinder. They tell me I'm monotonous, but can I resist such flavours? And then we laughed a lot, there was an atmosphere of celebration and sweetness. I want every day to be like that. Not that I get ice cream every day (although it would be great ), but that they are.... Simple days.

There is little that is more attractive and, at the same time, disarming than a smile. Few things make one more beautiful than this: happiness, true happiness. Happiness frightens many people. Yet it is the natural state of being human, as Osho and many sages of the East remind us. I want to accept it wholeheartedly, embrace it and recognise it as a natural part of human nature. As much as many people don't realise it, most of the problems a person perceives they create themselves. A lot of problems do not exist, really. If people would only really try to stop and observe the beauty of what surrounds us already every day, instead of asking, always asking for more than what they have, they would realise that, really, happiness was right in front of their eyes and they did not realise it. Of course, real problems exist, they are part of life; but in proportion to those we create with our imagination, they are less than we think. I want to let go of everything that is out of my reach and that does not align with myself, and I choose to be as light as a feather, as firm as a rock, as happy as the spring wind dancing through the flowers.

The weather is finally changing, spring is just around the corner, and this fills me with unspeakable excitement! Slowly, nature is blossoming. Temperatures have risen markedly, and although it is still winter, the difference is palpable. The days have lengthened so much, and now, as I go out with my man, I can enjoy much more light until late. And, one of the most beautiful and exciting things, the birds have started singing! I cannot describe in words how restorative I find birdsong.
I can't wait until it's officially spring, and the season of light clothes, country walks and outdoor snacks, Easter egging, and afternoons on the balcony begins. I can't wait to see the greenery blooming, the flowers filling the environment with color, and the birds singing even louder. That's all I've been waiting for!
As much as winter also has its advantages, like everything, I will never cease to wait patiently each year for the arrival of the warm season. For me, there is no comparison. There is an atmosphere of freedom; the influences are fewer, the energies greater, and the sunlight invigorates the soul. So welcome, spring.

I had a great time at the Nerd Festival the other day! I had a definitely different day than usual with my man. My evaluations of the different departments:

❀ Nobuo Uematsu's concert made my man euphoric, it excited him so much, and that already makes me happy. The songs were beautiful, and it was definitely a different concert from the ones I'm used to. It was uplifting and poetic, it put me at peace. The young singer had a voice that immersed me in a magical atmosphere, just as the Japanese are able to do.
❀ The eighties gaming booth area, that was one of the most beautiful things ever! I really felt like I was in an arcade in the eighties. I felt immersed in another era. It's really moving, and I wish there were more places like that in Ferrara.
❀The computers were few, unfortunately, and that was the biggest disappointment of the event. I would have liked to have tried more of them, and that they were easier to understand. I wanted to use Windows in general. I really liked the ones I tried, though, and that was a memorable experience, too.
❀ Even the stall area offered less than I expected, but I enjoyed it. I bought a small bag called Kawaii Therapy with a keychain and a pin, which I will keep as mementos of this precious day.
❀ The game consoles were many, this was definitely the best and most stocked department!
❀ The food: I had a pizzetta that was hard and burned at the bottom. But the dessert, the hazelnut doughnut, was delicious!

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